BOLLYWOOD DHAMAKA

Once upon a time the great Bollywood blockbuster had caught the imagination of the entire planet. Its popularity has not become any less even now. But we have to make efforts on to fully understand the highly educative world of the crazy capers of those times.


Take those spectacular sound effects for instance. They were, some say, to aid the untrained ear differentiating a comedy scene from, say, and emotional scene. Hence the TWWAAIINNGG!!!!! after the hero has delivered a funny dialogue or cracks some supposedly, joke, or the lamentable shrieking and screeching of violins pleading us to cry at the supposed tears jolter and emotion jerker of a dialogue. Well, do you remember that DHISHKIAOON!!!!! sound with the gun shot, even if the gun has a two- three foot silencer attached to it?? While we are still on sound and music, on which our Bollywood largely depends on, let us reveal the commotion our movies caused abroad. The ease with which our stars slide their hands over the guitar, (twisted face, wide-open mouths, agonising over creating music) has put the likes of Santana into a fizzy. And never the less are those heart-wrenching lyrics. Take this sample of philosophy: “I’m your chicken noodles, you’re my American chopsuey.” or “Main tera tota…..”(I am your parrot...) the list goes on. I could never learn those lyrics, yet I enjoyed singing them. My la… la… la… always came to rescue.


Moving on from the lyrical horror let us go to a twenty-leagues-under-the-ground-horror-flick. A complete guide to life after death, it will convince you use only ketchups and jams for make-up once you become a ghost. No wonder the sales of such commodities increased a great deal. And to hysterically HA! HA! HEE! HEE! HO! HO! every soul that came your way. Oh! Sorry if I scared you off. But there is more to it. How can we forget this? If you are a woman and have become a ghost do follow this. Wear a white sari and carry a candle as an accessory. This is a never fading fashion. It’s always in baby!


The Futuristic Society has put forth a mind-boggling question. What if they make a Bollywood science fiction? Will the hero, heroine dance around planets instead of trees? And will the theme be ‘Lost-in- the-Galaxy’ instead of Kumbh-Mela? God save us…
And let us not forget those famous action sequences lose our notice. Dare-devilled to put a commando to shame, they have inspired armies around the world to study the legendary bullet dodging techniques of the Bollywood heroes. The best way to make bullocks out of bullets, it has been observed, is to sway wildly, let out a Tarzan-like cry and run towards your enemy (preferably in slow motion). When hit, increase the swaying and the decibels of the cry.


There is one little thing to mention. There must be millions of questions in the eager young minds of our country. For instance, when the villain points the gun at the hero, why does he wait till the hero gives him a solid punch? Or, how come the twenty goons wait eagerly for their thrashing. That too, one at a time.


In desperate attempt to understand the effect of movies on children, one psychologist put up some questions to a ten year old. The kid’s reply, even as he punched the scientist out sight, was, “DISHUM!” It will, you must have realized, take ages before one can make any head or tail of these Bollywood blockbusters. But don’t fret over their subtleties. Because there’s great way to beat the logic. Just get yourself an ice-cold drink, sit back and let silverscreen rule your minds. Ignorance is bliss!!!